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Written on July 6th, 2009
I received a scratch off lottery ticket in the mail today, and won! Two bucks! Two bucks, free and clear–mine for the taking. All I had to do was scratch the ticket, and to be honest, the misery of feeling that weird metallic shit underneath my nail was not worth two bones, but STILL!
That particular feeling is one of the reasons why I never buy lottery tickets, but this was SENT to me, as part of a chain letter deal. I am to send a ticket to so-and-so at the top of such-and-such list. Whatever.
I feel certain that had I mailed my Special Form to Maria this afternoon, the winnings would have been substantially higher.
If you don’t know who Maria is, please read, “I’m Gonna Be Rich, Bitches”. You’ll learn all about the extraordinary powers this woman possesses, and her promises to grant me seven wishes.
Who needs your stupid magic kettle NOW, Lerm??? 
Written on July 6th, 2009
Fuck you, and fuck your stupid Elizabethtown forum, and fuck your bad grammar and spelling.
You wanna side with some bitch who slept with her obstetrician WHILE SHE WAS PREGNANT, and continued an affair with said doctor for TWO YEARS?
By all means, speak your minds. But be warned: I love Dr. Nethers and don’t give a shit who he sleeps with, if it ever even happened in the first place. I wrote about this very thing in an earlier entry, and had about 15 visitors to my blog comment in support of him.
So feel free to continue talking your shit about him, but I ask that you do it HERE where it will remain uncensored.
All these women who are coming out NOW, after all this has gone down, to say that “Nethers has been my doc for fifteen years and I never have liked him and always knew he was a pervert” will get their collective asses handed to them by ME if they pull that crap HERE.
God, that’s so stupid. I am so sure someone is going to continue going to an ob/gyn they either don’t like or are uncomfortable with. No, they are just jumping on the goddamned bandwagon and it’s retarded.
My ex MIL, who is possibly the stupidest woman who has ever lived, said, “I thought I liked him until I heard about this!”
Typical.
Written on July 6th, 2009
So I found this ad in the recent TV Guide, wherein “the famous clairvoyant and medium Maria Duval” is ready to help me realize my Secret Wishes.
All I have to do is choose the seven wishes that I want most to be realized, out of a list of 33, and send them to her along with a completed questionnaire.
At first I thought it sounded like hogwash, BUT, I am to send the confidential paperwork to…dig this, baby…The Destiny Research Center in Nevada. Clearly, this is NOT bullshit, but SCIENCE, yo.
Lest YOU think Maria Duval is a charlatan, I should point out that her credentials include
1) holder of the highest honorary awards and degrees (it is unclear what these are, however)
2) has predicted hundreds of major events all around the world
3) ability to predict the future confirmed in experiments by the greatest scientific authorities.
These are all direct quotes, so you can be sure she is on the up and up.
In any case, out of the list of 33 choices, I have managed to narrow down my wishes:
1)win the lottery jackpot within two weeks
2) win a big prize ($10,000 minimum) on an instant win scratch ticket
3) immediately win a sum of money (indicate the amount you’d like on your special Form)–let’s say, $9, 387, 995. 27.
4) go on a cruise
5) buy a boat
6) have enough money to help out my friends
7) see my kids do really well in their studies (I chose this one just so I wouldn’t look like a greedy asshole)
Now, the option that concerns YOU, friends, is #6. If the lovely and talented Maria Duval comes through for me as I have been assured, I will split my dough with all of you. I need to do nothing more than send in my request and my special Form, and await further instructions that she will send me in a large, white envelope. She pointed out time and again that she wants NO money, and that I will not be charged for this “strange and unique offer”.
I’m thinking she probably wants my recipe for quesadillas, and who could blame her??
Anyway, stay tuned. As soon as the money rolls in (and according to her claims, it should within two weeks) I will split it up among all of you as I see fit.
Go ahead and quit your jobs, because this sounds like a sure fire deal.
Evilfury