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Written on July 9th, 2009
I’ve already told y’all how much I miss having a gay “girlfriend”, and I don’t think I have ever missed my fab-u-lous Miss Barry more than today.
We were in the car, and the girls wanted to listen the radio. I hate pop music, but agreed, because Dave Ramsey wasn’t on yet, and all the cd’s I have in the car skip.
So the song, “I Will Survive” came on, and I could actually SMELL Miss Barry. That was his, and every other gay man’s, theme song. Why? Beats the fuck out of me, but they all love it as much as they love Cher and Bette Midler.
Every Monday night I would go to Miss Barry’s crib and we would watch Melrose Place and drink white wine. We would talk about how trashy Sydney was, and how sexy Billy was.
After Melrose Place, he would start getting ready to go out. All the gay people met at a certain restaurant on Monday, and he always put a lot of effort into looking “pretty”.
He’d exfoliate, moisturize, and tone. He’d shave his scrawny, pasty white chest and apply a lightly glittered lotion.
He’d fret over his outfit, and change ten times before he was satisfied that he looked suitably fabulous and was certain to meet a great guy, thus leaving his lonely days behind.
He had a mix tape of “getting pretty” songs, and it started with Melissa Etheridge and climaxed with “I Will Survive”. Usually, by the time that song came on he was finished primping and ready to float out the front door, leaving a trail of glitter behind him.
He would go his way, and I would go mine.
Alas, I would see him at work the next morning, and he would be depressed. Hungover, lonelier than ever before, and humiliated because the guy he has a crush on went out with that whore Ronnie who wore socks with sandals.
I hope Miss Barry eventually found love, or at least a suitable partner. In all the time I knew him (several years) I NEVER knew him to actually go out with anyone.
Poor Miss Barry.
**shakes head**
I miss that guy.
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Comment Number: 2356
. Left by Kona
on July 9th, 2009 - 12:40 pm
:
While I never was fortunate enough to experience the Melrose part of your story, I have also had a couple of gay friends over the years. Funny ass dudes….every single one of them. Oddly enough, I have never had much success in befriending any lesbians outside of casual work relationships. |
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Comment Number: 2357
. Left by Fake Brunette
on July 9th, 2009 - 12:44 pm
:
yup I had big gay Dale (catchy nickname I know) |
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Comment Number: 2358
. Left by Lunamor
on July 9th, 2009 - 12:51 pm
:
I’d miss him too…I want a gay best friend. |
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Comment Number: 2359
. Left by Doanli
on July 9th, 2009 - 1:04 pm
:
Remember sleazy Michael on ‘Melrose Place’? |
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Comment Number: 2360
. Left by Evilfury
on July 9th, 2009 - 1:08 pm
:
“Big Gay Dale”–that’s awesome. |
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Comment Number: 2361
. Left by Lermontov
on July 9th, 2009 - 1:38 pm
:
I miss having a gay “girlfriend” - you still have Steve |
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Comment Number: 2362
. Left by Evilfury
on July 9th, 2009 - 1:43 pm
:
It’s not the same, Lerm |
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Comment Number: 2366
. Left by Easysleeper
on July 9th, 2009 - 2:18 pm
:
isn’t that a grapefruit spoon? |
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Comment Number: 2368
. Left by Evilfury
on July 9th, 2009 - 2:26 pm
:
No, honey. |
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Comment Number: 2453
. Left by simon
on July 11th, 2009 - 2:43 pm
:
While nothing like on the same level as Miss Barry, one of my mates from JS who is gay (no, not Steve) does have a great sense of humour: the last occasion, not long ago, was when I mentioned a girl we both knew was feeling pretty down, and he said ‘Tell her she can be my fag-hag.’ And it did cheer her up. |
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Comment Number: 2454
. Left by simon
on July 11th, 2009 - 2:43 pm
:
Oh yes, and when we were kids we had to use tea spoons for eating our grapefruit. It was so humiliating. |
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Comment Number: 2458
. Left by Evilfury
on July 11th, 2009 - 6:17 pm
:
Tea spoons? For grapefruit??? |
