Now Dig This, Baby

we love you anyway….

and guess what… I can’t French braid either.

I can’t drive (yup its offical I am rain man)

wow…(and that’s NOT a good “wow”)

I can’t French braid - well I can try, but it’s a big loose floppy mess and I have to tear it apart. It killed me having a daughter with hair past her butt for all those years, and not be able to French braid it. (For cheer, we use french braids a lot, so I had to get another mom to do hers.)
I can’t parallel park. Failed my driver’s test on my 16th birthday because of it. I’ll drive around for 20 minutes and park six blocks away if I have to… but I will not parallel park.

1) You are retarded.
2) Retarded
3) Retarded
4) Sinfully Retarded.
5) Upgrade to moron but by a narrow margin.
6) I’m just as retarded on this one…

So, I read they rent houses to retards on the OBX.

You will love it. June will be slightly chilly as we have had record low water temps
this season but once you get in you won’t want to come out…Unless
you get spooked by a turtle or something.

Love,
Bobby

as you said to me. What good are you?

Some gas stations remove that little clip that locks the gas pump handle in place. There’s a plastic widget that you can push to slide in place that will hold the trigger in place. It’s super easy.

Ask Laurel how to do it, I’ll bet $5 she can figure it out.

I don’t drive, so the few times i’ve pumped gas I always have to have the person who is driving show me.

Vacuum cleaner bags… yeah, with some fiddling about I can do it, but I usually wind up covered in dust.

I don’t know how to braid hair well enough to braid my own hair and I’ve never had anyone let me practice on theirs. My sister can french braid, my mom can do a basic braid but not a french. if I wanted french she sent me to my sister.

because I don’t drive I have always preferred the wait in line an hour so I can talk to a real person method of the bank/pharmacy drive thru. I get this from my mother, who does drive, but she likes talking to people.

I don’t generally touch the radio stations in cars, unless its my mom’s, and even then I usually will get my hand swatted away.

Susan, now make a list of the things you can do…like you’re a terrific mom and wife.

Well, I don’t like to brag, but I can dig out shitloads of earwax with a Q-tip.

Cleaning shitty ears?
Hmmm, i think you’re cleaning the wrong end of Brad with that Q-tip.

Well, there’s a marketable skill EF. You should start your own business.

I *dig* cleaning earwax out of ears.

(heh, get it? dig?)

I’m nowhere near as good as my friend Todd, who’s goal was to make a candle out of his own earwax.
He used a bobby pin, though, not a Q-tip/

you left out chicken dumplins didn’t you?

I can’t cook chicken and dumplins (and I LOVE them.)

Can you set the clock on the microwave to read the correct time?

I just figured that one out the other day.

I’m so proud.

Frickin’ great. Now I’m craving chicken ‘n dumplins. That is NOT on my diet!!

The only thing I haven’t learned to do on that list is braid hair. I think I could do it on someone else’s head. For all the years I drove a bus. I am terrible at backing up. I have been given training on it over and over. I will do fine in the training, but when left on my own. I have problems. Don’t ever ask me to backup a trailer.

Hope you’re writing that “I am awesome because…” list, Susan!

I have NO clue how to change a bag on a vaccuum, it’s the reason I bought on with the easy clear tube that come out with the press of one button.
I also failed parallel parking on my drivers test, luckily I did splendid on everything else.
I’ve never owned a car, so sometimes I can go about a year without driving. So, I feel you on the having to hold the gas pump the entire time. I always feel like if I try to get the little lever that holds the gas flowing, that it will just fall out of the gas tank hole and gas will go everywhere.

1) I just use the full service petrol stations where they have an immigrant to gas you up - I support New Australians
2)Hire an immigrant to clean - I support new Australians
3)See #2 - I support new Australians
4)Use an ipod - they are made in China - I support sweat shop labour
5)Internet banking FTW
6)I lack the length of hair so N/A

Basically, as long as you can open a beer bottle with you eye socket, you are ok by me and welcome in my house

Laugh. Out. LOUD.
Lem, man, you fucking kill me.

I don’t like using teller lanes either. I like the personal touch - my banker calls me by name every time I walk in there - old school - pretty nice really.

Lermontov, she’s afraid of the vacuum tube at the bank. You think Internet Banking will give her LESS banking-related hysteria?

((HUGS))
You’ve survived this long without any of that…you’re fine!

You do make really beautiful mugs, though!

LOLOL….omg the comments are great!

For those few things you say you can’t do ( I say I can’t do alot too…. *whispers* but WANTING to do them is a different matter) there are LOTS you can!!!!!

That’s just the thing, Lady. If I knew how to do them, then I would HAVE to do them. I quit actively learning years ago, and have no intention of starting NOW. I’m cool with being stupid.