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Posted on: Tuesday 06/27/2017 04:32:27

Just a quick check in--Family Feud is on in a minute and it's my and Ishy's thang this summer. We love it. It's our time together and I musn't be late.
Trying to get stoked for Phish tour but having trouble getting into it. I'm getting there, though.
Autumn feels okay--her calcitonin numbers have gone up 2000 from 14000 to 16000. No bueno. But, considering the normal level is THREE it's hard to get too worked up about it. I'm thinking of it in terms of debt: say she has $3 in the bank and is $14K in debt...what's another two grand?
Anyway, we go back to Houston in early October. She is still working and partying, and still with the terrible boyfriend. Leave it to a teenager to make an unbearable situation even worse.
I've missed all of y'all.

Just For Fun

Posted on: Monday 03/27/2017 04:24:31

About a week ago I stuck the Steve pillow in a corner of our front window so that it looks like a guy is peeking out. It took Ish a couple days to notice it. Took Matt about a week, and Autumn and Brad still haven't. It makes me so happy. I hope it annoys the shit out of our neighbors.

I'll send a pic to someone so they can post it.


Pay Pal Suggestions

Posted on: Tuesday 03/14/2017 10:38:39

So my friend Dr. Andy insisted on setting up a gofundme (cringe) page for Autumn and he and his brother Ryan (also one of my oldest friends) were thinking of #s all day.

Some of the top contenders were #glandsgonewild and #helpautumnraiseapimphandtocancer.

My favorite was Gland Gone Wild: Kicking Lethal Cancer Right in the Dick.

Sadly, it had too many characters.


Funny Card

Posted on: Friday 03/10/2017 03:16:31

We've gotten lots of cards in the mail--mostly because Luna is the queen of cards--and they are all awesome and funny, but my friend Cherry wrote Autumn a note:

Hi, Autumn!
 I haven't seen you in many years (your loss!) but I've always had a soft spot for you in my heart.

On to business! First and foremost:

     DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS. They will straight up execute you for cussing there. You must be cautious.

Next, you'll find some items enclosed that I hope will be of use to you in the next few days. (notebooks, pens, etc)
You may wish to write down your observations of Texas (e.g. it's hot here and there are execution facilities on every corner.) Sharpies. They're kinda random but my kid loves em. I thought you might as well. Do not use them to deface public property, or the State of Texas will prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law.

Sweet girl, I am praying for you and your family and I love you even thought I haven't hung out with you (your loss!) in so long. Stay strong, sister. You have a (very cool) friend in Louisville pulling for you.


My friends are awesome and that includes every one of you. I love you guys.


Okay, So...

Posted on: Friday 03/03/2017 07:32:23

On Tuesday (I think--I am not even positive what month it is) Autumn felt like she had strep so we went to the doc. She did not, nor did she have the flu. Her doc had to gently tell her that the tumors in her throat are possibly causing her pain and that she needs to take her meds and not go to school during flu season. Autumn was bummed about that--she is totally on track to graduate and only has two AP classes which are both online anyway, and the rest of her school day she watches Shameless in the library. The perks of being a senior, right? Anyway, she wants to go to school when she feels up to it. The doc urged caution, explaining her body was compromised and etc.

So on the way home, I was trying to console her and lighten the shitty mood, while she was saying things like, "If I can't work or go to school then that makes me pathetic and it's embarrassing."

Because I am me, and inappropriate at almost all times, I said, "Look, Autumn. The flu is nothing to fuck around with when you are NOT sick with a rare cancer. It KILLS people. Lesser people, but still. This cancer is like a great white shark. Do you want to be remembered as the chick who got her ass kicked by a fucking shark, or the chick who cut her foot on a shell on her way to the beach, then got an infection, and died of sepsis? Which is cooler? If you MUST have your ass handed to you then at LEAST let it be the cancer and not the stupid flu. It's too lame. We'll have to lie and say you died of AIDS."

She was kind of crying in the back seat and she was quiet for a second, and I was thinking, "Great. I've broken her." Then she started chuckling. Then laughing. Then we were both laughing. It felt great. So she has agreed to stay home at least during flu season. :)

Going to MD Anderson on Sunday--appointment Monday morning. Fingers crossed, please. I love you guys.


Total Bullshit

Posted on: Wednesday 03/01/2017 07:11:27

It would make so much sense if I could just have this FOR her. This fucking sucks and I am about twenty minutes, or one, "How are you?" from a stranger, whichever comes first, before I lose my goddamn mind once and for all.

She's sick today. Her throat and chest hurts. Her appointment in Houston isn't until the 28th unless we can get our surgeon to nag them into getting her in faster. They think she has had it for two years. It's everywhere, including her spine--a revelation that literally brought me to my knees.

So, if I lose my shit and am locked away anytime soon, y'all be good. BBJ is in charge.



Posted on: Wednesday 02/22/2017 12:09:29

Her cancer is a rare thyroid cancer. Not lymphoma as we suspected. Lymphoma would be a day at the beach compared to the nightmare we're in right now. It is untreatable and stage 4. All they can do is remove as much as they can and she'll take pills for the rest of her life to hopefully hold the rest of the tumors at bay. 26% five-year survival rate. It's in her BONES.

Going to see a specialist in Lexington today.


Any Docs...

Posted on: Wednesday 02/01/2017 03:16:44

The reason they know it is lymphoma without having a biopsy first (although) they certainly will in a couple of weeks is that there are so MANY polyps, and the location of them. My doc read us the report and I don't have it in front of me but here are the keynotes:  Tumors presented like a necklace from posterial cervical to sub covicular (also forgive my spelling), with a huge one in her media stinum and several in the hilum region.

Snow? S&S? Bulldog?


Shitty News

Posted on: Wednesday 02/01/2017 11:23:53

Autumn has lymphoma, and it spreads from her neck to sternum to liver to pelvis. Her first oncology appointment is on the 9th unless the doc reviews her scans and can get her in earlier.

We are crushed but not down, she is terrified but ballsy, and we will all be okay.

Positive vibes for the A-Train, please.

Now make me laugh.


So, My Brother Sucks

Posted on: Monday 01/16/2017 08:18:44

My mom called me crying last night about something she saw on FB. A friend of Dave's was talking shit about him (understandable) and then started attacking her, and me. Really gross, sexual stuff. He fucked my mother (I'll spare you the paragraph long description) and "ate me out so hard..." Just seriously gross.

My fucking brother's response? "Hope you wore a condom." I went fucking nuts. How DARE this little puke say these things about us and my own brother is riffing? I was able to comment and said I am his sister and there is no chance he would say that shit to my face even if my brother is too much of an asshole to defend our honor I certainly am not, and neither is my husband. I took screenshots and put it on fb to publicly shame both of them.

My MOTHER calls me again, crying, because now I have escalated things and what if her friends or brother sees it??? I was like, Mom, we're the victims here. We have nothing to be ashamed of. And your attitude is exactly why rape victims or sexual harassment victims don't come forward, because they are worried about being embarrassed or anyone finding out. I did take it down, but she is still furious at me--way more so than Dave being a fucking dickhead.

Naturally, Dave started calling/texting and saying he was building up to a great joke about the guy who wrote the post having STDs until I came along and ruined it. I was like, "How can you let that shit stand while you gradually get around to telling a shitty joke?" He assures me everything was under control until I fucked it up and now wonders just how many times I have sabotaged his career over the years. I responded, "You are completely insane. Lose my number. We're done here."

Matt pretty much told him the same thing. He has completely lost his fucking mind and my goddamn mother is actually siding with him at this point. Of course. Jesus Christ. Jess, thanks for talking me down. I'm still furious but I'm not crying anymore.