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Posted on: Tuesday 03/14/2017 10:38:39
Some of the top contenders were #glandsgonewild and #helpautumnraiseapimphandtocancer.
My favorite was Gland Gone Wild: Kicking Lethal Cancer Right in the Dick.
Sadly, it had too many characters.
Posted on: Friday 03/10/2017 03:16:31
I haven't seen you in many years (your loss!) but I've always had a soft spot for you in my heart.
On to business! First and foremost:
DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS. They will straight up execute you for cussing there. You must be cautious.
Next, you'll find some items enclosed that I hope will be of use to you in the next few days. (notebooks, pens, etc)
You may wish to write down your observations of Texas (e.g. it's hot here and there are execution facilities on every corner.) Sharpies. They're kinda random but my kid loves em. I thought you might as well. Do not use them to deface public property, or the State of Texas will prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law.
Sweet girl, I am praying for you and your family and I love you even thought I haven't hung out with you (your loss!) in so long. Stay strong, sister. You have a (very cool) friend in Louisville pulling for you.
My friends are awesome and that includes every one of you. I love you guys.
Posted on: Friday 03/03/2017 07:32:23
So on the way home, I was trying to console her and lighten the shitty mood, while she was saying things like, "If I can't work or go to school then that makes me pathetic and it's embarrassing."
Because I am me, and inappropriate at almost all times, I said, "Look, Autumn. The flu is nothing to fuck around with when you are NOT sick with a rare cancer. It KILLS people. Lesser people, but still. This cancer is like a great white shark. Do you want to be remembered as the chick who got her ass kicked by a fucking shark, or the chick who cut her foot on a shell on her way to the beach, then got an infection, and died of sepsis? Which is cooler? If you MUST have your ass handed to you then at LEAST let it be the cancer and not the stupid flu. It's too lame. We'll have to lie and say you died of AIDS."
She was kind of crying in the back seat and she was quiet for a second, and I was thinking, "Great. I've broken her." Then she started chuckling. Then laughing. Then we were both laughing. It felt great. So she has agreed to stay home at least during flu season. :)
Going to MD Anderson on Sunday--appointment Monday morning. Fingers crossed, please. I love you guys.
Posted on: Wednesday 03/01/2017 07:11:27
She's sick today. Her throat and chest hurts. Her appointment in Houston isn't until the 28th unless we can get our surgeon to nag them into getting her in faster. They think she has had it for two years. It's everywhere, including her spine--a revelation that literally brought me to my knees.
So, if I lose my shit and am locked away anytime soon, y'all be good. BBJ is in charge.
Posted on: Wednesday 02/22/2017 12:09:29
Going to see a specialist in Lexington today.
Posted on: Wednesday 02/01/2017 03:16:44
Snow? S&S? Bulldog?
Posted on: Wednesday 02/01/2017 11:23:53
We are crushed but not down, she is terrified but ballsy, and we will all be okay.
Positive vibes for the A-Train, please.
Now make me laugh.
So, My Brother Sucks
Posted on: Monday 01/16/2017 08:18:44
My fucking brother's response? "Hope you wore a condom." I went fucking nuts. How DARE this little puke say these things about us and my own brother is riffing? I was able to comment and said I am his sister and there is no chance he would say that shit to my face even if my brother is too much of an asshole to defend our honor I certainly am not, and neither is my husband. I took screenshots and put it on fb to publicly shame both of them.
My MOTHER calls me again, crying, because now I have escalated things and what if her friends or brother sees it??? I was like, Mom, we're the victims here. We have nothing to be ashamed of. And your attitude is exactly why rape victims or sexual harassment victims don't come forward, because they are worried about being embarrassed or anyone finding out. I did take it down, but she is still furious at me--way more so than Dave being a fucking dickhead.
Naturally, Dave started calling/texting and saying he was building up to a great joke about the guy who wrote the post having STDs until I came along and ruined it. I was like, "How can you let that shit stand while you gradually get around to telling a shitty joke?" He assures me everything was under control until I fucked it up and now wonders just how many times I have sabotaged his career over the years. I responded, "You are completely insane. Lose my number. We're done here."
Matt pretty much told him the same thing. He has completely lost his fucking mind and my goddamn mother is actually siding with him at this point. Of course. Jesus Christ. Jess, thanks for talking me down. I'm still furious but I'm not crying anymore.
Posted on: Friday 01/13/2017 05:08:30
So he hopped up and grabbed me around the waist. Just a HUGE hug. I was like, "Well, hey, little man!" and hugged him back and he just wouldn't let go. He wanted me to pick him up and I could barely lift him so I put him down and asked him how old he was. He was five, almost six. He kept hugging me and naturally I hugged him back. I needed to get going and couldn't just stand there hugging this little guy all day so I leaned down to kiss him on the top of his head and squeeze him really hard so we could kinda wrap this show up, and that's when I saw the lice.
He had a buzz cut, thankfully, or I wouldn't have seen them, and there were only a few. The couple was standing there watching him and I unlatched the kid from me and whispered to the woman that he had lice and she started to cry. Now, y'all may know that I don't do well with seeing other people cry. I have to cry, too. I can't help it. But this one time I did not, and told her it was no biggie and I knew exactly what they needed. She goes, "We're trying our best," and just sobbed. Her voice cracked and I died inside, but I did not cry. I was like, "Look, our kid had it a couple years ago. It's not a big deal. And at least his hair is short. It will be super easy. Let me take him to get the stuff for it and let y'all finish shopping. I'll meet you in five minutes at aisle one." Remarkably, they agreed, and off we went. I never did catch his name but he stopped every few feet and hugged me and although I was cringing there was zero chance I was going to NOT hug him back. As we were walking away the man said, "Mommy and Daddy love you, son!" and I could barely breathe. I guaran-fucking-tee they are forced to raise their great grandkid because the kid's parents are on pills, meth or heroin. 100% positive. Bless their hearts. They HAD to be 80.
Anyway, I got the foam stuff and a house/bedding spray to kill any lice that might be lingering in their house and let him pick out a small toy and we waited for them after I paid for my stuff. They looked kinda broke and that lice shit ain't cheap so I was happy to buy it, but I mostly bought it because I KNOW what works and I want this behind them asap.
They met us there and he ran to them and hugged them, then ran back to me and hugged me again and I told him bye and split. The minute I was in my car I fucking lost it and bawled for ten minutes. Goddamn. Poor kid. And poor old folks trying their best in a super shitty situation. There is no way they can possibly see him to adulthood and my heart just breaks for all of them.
In happier news, I changed clothes immediately and am reasonably certain I didn't pick any bugs up. Those nasty fuckers don't jump, at least. They crawl, slowly, and I know what to look for (unfortunately) so at least I'm not freaking out about THAT.
I'm Sorry About SS
Posted on: Saturday 12/31/2016 04:58:08
I know no one cares about Phish, but they are doing their NYE show tonight and the word is they are going to have purple rain inside MSG. Like with lights, not real water. I don't think. But, who knows? I want to get well right fucking now so I can see it. I was hoping they would do Purple Rain at Halloween so I'm really hoping this rumor pans out.
Anyway, here's to a much better 2017! It can ONLY be, right? RIGHT? I love you all. Happy New Year.